I saw this on UK Climbing and thought I'd share it here. Enjoy!


Green Eggs and Slime

Hello my name is Zionwalls.
I've climbed on rocks and taken falls.
I wrote a trip report and posted,
Although I fear I will get toasted.
It isn't long, it isn't short,
I hope you like my trip report.

"I will not read your trip report,
I will not read it , long or short!
It hasn't any puncuation!
A product of a careless nation!
I will not read your trip report,
I will not read it, long or short!"

Would you read it on a ledge?
or hooked on a dime sized-edge?

"I will not read it on a ledge,
nor while hooked upon an edge!
I will not read your trip report,
I will not read it, long or short!"

Would you read it on rappel?
or on a climb that's named Green Hell?

"I would not read it on rappel,
or while climbing on Green Hell.
I will not read it on a ledge,
nor while hooked upon an edge!
I will not read your trip report,
I will not read it, long or short!"

Would you read it on belays?
Or in a bar on resting days?

"Not on belays!
Not on rest days!
Not on rappel!
Not on Green Hell!
Not on a ledge!
Not from an edge!
It hasn't any puncuation!
A product of a careless nation!
I will not read your trip report,
I will not read it, long or short!"

Perhaps because it's trad, not sport?
Would you then read my trip report?

"I do not care if your report
involves either trad or sport!
Paragraph's are what it's lacking!
You are no artist! You were slacking!
I will not read it at belays,
nor in bars on resting days!
I won't read it on rappel,
nor on 11.b Green Hell!
I will not read your trip report,
I will not read it, long or short!"

But we left lots of gear up there.
you could retrieve it if you dare.
Perhaps the ropes could yet be freed,
if my trip report you'd read.
Use them if you climb the Prow.
Free haul lines! Go get them now!

"I do not want your dodgy gear,
and not because I'm filled with fear.
Through written clay I will not plow!
I'll buy my own ropes for the Prow!
I don't care if trad or sport,
is the theme of your report.
I won't read it Zionwalls!
For though you have gorilla balls,
for posting text in solid blocks
about your climbs on chossy rocks,
I still won't read it at belays
or in bars on resting days,
or while dangling on rappel,
nor while smearing up Green Hell,
or while resting on a ledge,
nor while hooking some small edge!
Paragraphs? It hasn't any!
Bad posts on here are far too many!
You do not use punctuation!
A product of a careless nation!
I will not read your trip report,
I will not read it, long or short!"

You will not read it, so you say.
But you may like it, yes you may!
An epic we got thru some how,
I wish you would just read it now.

"Zion if you let me be,
I will read some, then we'll see"

[......time passes.......]

"Hey, I like this trip report!
It's not too long, and not too short!
I will read this on belays,
And in bars on resting days!
I will read it on rappel,
and when I try to send Green Hell!
I will read it up on ledges,
and while hooking fragile edges!
I'll even haul it up the Prow.
I am so glad I read it now.
I really like this trip report!
It's not too long, and not too short!"

by Cat_in_the_Hat